Insta update May ’16

Periodically I am sharing a few of my instagram photos and captions in a single blog post for the lovely ladies who read my blog but do not follow along on Instagram. …Oftentimes, I use Instagram to share many of the in-between moments of blog posting.

tender

When something in life makes us feel fragile, *all* the tender things seem to sneak into the cracks & break us open a bit more. This is good because without this we know so little about the depth of our spirit.

day off

 “Today I’m flying low
and I’m not saying a word
I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.
The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.
But I’m taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I’m traveling
a terrific distance.
Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.”
-Mary Oliver

tulip poplar

“The flowers of the hawthorn tree are in bloom; the mantle of spring’s culmination and summer’s advent beautifies the radiant earth. Winter’s chains are broken for good as the wheel of the year turns from winter to summer. Love is in the air as bee carries pollen from blossom to aromatic blossom and honey drips from the comb. The sacred union of the goddess and the god is observed, and sexuality is celebrated as we regard our bodies as mirrors of the divine plan. The blazing flames of the great bonfire mirror the passion within our hearts. The tenderness of the new spring season transforms before our eyes into the lush fullness of new life taking hold and thriving. Everywhere, in root and and in flower, the proliferation of abundance on the earth is seen. Great fires are ignited, and the door to the Otherworld opens once again.” -Judy Ann Nock

footsie

“Always strive to give the best of yourself to your spouse; not what’s leftover after you have given your best to everyone else.” -David Willis

journaling

I thought I’d never stop writing this morning.

blue skies

I’m making it a practice to look up more. I’ve been thinking about how much I look downward in life…into a book, the garden, the phone, the laptop, a bonfire, my children’s eyes…while sweeping & mopping, prepping & cooking, making my bed, budgeting, writing, walking…Let’s all look up & lift our eyes to the sky more!

flowers

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” -Barbara de Angelis

smoothie

We tidied up the home by dancing around to Josh Ritter’s ‘Getting Ready to Get Down’, using a broom, a duster & a spoon as our instruments, and drinking green smoothies from our fancy glasses…’cause no one is responsible for elevating the mundane to a good time but you!

secret life

I believe it was Stephen Covey that said we all have a public life, a private life and a secret life…Morning pages are my secret life.

max's patch

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” -Goethe

violets

Springtime means purdying up lunches with violets.

am pages

Asking myself questions during my morning pages has proved to be so powerful. Generally, when writing I just ramble like a mad woman, spilling the contents of my heart and the ripples life is having on my spirit. But this morning out came a question, deeply wanting to know the why behind a peculiar body symptom I’m having. I asked what it was trying to tell me. My hand never stopped moving and an answer came. I have also learned that sometimes answers come later in mysterious ways…you simply have to ask them.  Just a little suggestion for all you fellow ladies who enjoy writing their way to their truth. Wishing you all a beauty-full week!

bread

I love Sunday’s spent at home, loving, baking & homemaking. I wish I could cut a slice for all of you. Hope your Sunday was good to you too!

am ritual

Year after year my mornings begin the same. Take my temperature, write & drink a quart of water. Without it I imagine I feel like coffee drinkers feel when they don’t get their coffee. What are your morning routines & rituals, ladies?? Do tell…xx

limits

“The only limits you have are the limits you believe.” Happy Monday, ladies! May we all test our limits this week.

 

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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On things we can’t change

milkweed

Josh and I sat on the white bench outside the other evening, under the upcoming full moon, and I spoke through my tears.

I had been melancholy most of the day, waking to a sense of sadness despite all the recent former days waking me in full-on spiritedness.

It was a sadness of surprise and I couldn’t place my feelings. When he got home from work I went for a walk alone. I sat in the pavement at the end of the road and faced the mountains, and within minutes of silence I knew why I was sad.

I missed my Mom.

I made my way back home and, as the kids played in the backyard, Josh and I found ourselves on the bench, me purging the feelings alongside both fresh & buried tears.

As Josh and I spoke he reminded me this was a recurring sadness for me.

Since then I’ve been thinking of a few things I wanted to tell you.

First, there really are some things we can’t seem to change in life.

Perhaps you live on the spectrum of life that everything happens for a reason…

or maybe you’re on the other end, lost and bitter about what life holds and confused by it all.

Most of us live somewhere in the middle and many of us believe that if we want something bad enough, and we work hard enough, we can have it.

Regardless of the “truth” (and really much of our personal truth is just what we believe, right?), I think we can all agree that sometimes there are unchangeable things – and so the only change we are left to make is our perspective.

And, yes, it is entirely true that changing our perspective can change our life and alter an unbearable situation into an acceptable one.

But sometimes there is still pain for not having what you want. For not being able to change something.

I believe we all want things we don’t have.

Which brings me to the big “G” word Gratitude (don’t worry, this post won’t get gratitude clichéd).

Gratitude is the suggested dose of medicine for what ails us. For facing the less-than-ideal things of life.

And, YES, without a doubt gratitude is transformational.

However, gratitude can sometimes spur on the other  “G” word when we focus on that which we do not have.

Guilt.

I commonly feel guilty for turning circles in the cul-de-sac of wanting what I don’t have.

And let’s not forget to mention the other “G” word that gets ignored when we are confused in gratitude and guilt. Grief…and how it’s an interwoven thread in the fabric of life, and a sure feeling associated with unchangeable things.

But the thing I really want to say when it comes to gratitude, guilt, grief and longing for what we don’t have is…

We must make space for ALL of life.

Life isn’t always easy and there truly are some things we can’t make happen.

And they hurt.

Gratitude can indeed be the thing that reveals the way out of the cul-de-sac.

There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

There are always things we CAN change in our life.

But sometimes gratitude can feel like a band aid on a gaping gash underneath.

I miss my Mom.

The clear gratitude is that she’s alive and I can call. I can visit her 600 miles away.

But I don’t have her here. For the talks over tea and coffee like she shared with her own Mom many afternoons.

I don’t have her here during mothering mishaps or on the days when I feel I may collapse with the weight of life.

I don’t have her here for the small moments of life. The laughs, the Sunday dinners at the picnic table out back, the occasional Mom-n-daughter lunch out.

I don’t have her here to watch the small ways my children grow and become something different right before my watchful eyes.

And then I find guilt for focusing on what I don’t have vs. gratitude for what I do have – her, alive.

Many women don’t have their mothers, whether they are gone to spirit or gone to mental illness or even gone to cold heartedness.

Regardless of your story or my story, your unchangeable things or mine, we universally feel the hurt of life.

And the hurt needs to be acknowledged and the tears need to be released.

There needs to be space for that.

There needs to be space for it all.

Gratitude is powerful but feeling all our feelings is powerful too.

We all experience the good life and great grief.

We must release so that we can renew.

We must be honest about what’s there or else, I believe, we merely gauze the truth, encouraging it to bury & infect somewhere inside sensing that permission to be felt was denied.

We must feel all the feelings, setting aside the guilt and – temporarily – the gratitude, opening to the grief of the wound.

Whatever your wound may be it is a method of healing, but you must make space for it.

Make space for all of you and all of life. Choose gratitude, but not at the expense of burying what saddens you.

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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insta update March ’16

I haven’t been as consistent with writing in this space over the past year. In truth I’ve never been all that consistent. I’m also not ‘on the regular’ with using Instagram (the only social media I use); however, I seem to go through bursts of sharing there. It’s so easy and convenient to respond to a thought or feeling you have and share it within or around that moment. What I have found is that I have a thousand things to say and write about in this space, but because I don’t sit and write them right away I usually never get around to sharing them. That being said, I thought I’d start posting some of my Instagram shares here, on the blog, for those of you who follow along with the blog but are not on Instagram…for those of you who ask what I’m up to when things get quiet here.  I won’t share them all, just the ones that best capture the many things I’d elaborate on here on the blog if I had/made the time. Also, it has been rumored that Instagram may be taking photos out of chronological order and this will help me keep mine. All in all, it’s like a little quickie (update)! 😉

moon

I got up earlier than usual to write with the moon. I wrote my way through my recent fears and here is the conclusion my words led me to:: Life is full of plenty of scary maybes’ but it’s also full of many more certain beauties. The scary maybes may be happenstance, but the certain beauties are almost always choice.

am pages

One of the best things about laying down all of yourself in words is that you often find yourself writing another way of seeing things.

redbud

My mantra of the day :: life is lived in seasons, (even when those seasons feel really long) nothing lasts, everything happens for a reason, and everything is already okay.

backpacking

Us girls dropped the boys off in the mountains today for a backpacking trip. I cried like a baby. Not because it was a first but because it will be their longest. I cried because I felt happy for their bond and I cried because I felt worried. I cried because my son became a teenager last month and this is a rite of passage so to speak. My Mama heart feels hella proud and hella achy.

tea house

Yesterday I had the joy of taking my daughter and four of her dear friends out on the afternoon town. They were the sweetest sight, circled on the floor of the tea house. All on them on the thin & short lived edge of childhood and young womanhood. ? We are planning a red tent gathering for this same group girls and I gotta’ say it feels really good to be raising a daughter in the known beauty of her skin alongside such a wonderful group of girls.

unfolding

I suppose on the learning curve of life you don’t often arrive at a new way of thinking, understanding, being. Rather the arrival is a long-time unfolding that has been leading you into your own knowing, which can often result in an ah-ha moment. But staying steady & true & certain in the new understanding is much much more rare than the lengthy back-n-forth, teeter tottering, slow-n-steady, patient and persistent arrival at the new way of living inside of life. Grace and as many chances as you need because where you’re trying to arrive is good. Really good. And it can’t be rushed, but rather traveled at the pace of trust.

downtime

 We all need a little downtime. Make sure to give yourself some.

bloom

Let’s all plan to bloom a bit more today, okay?

yoga

Once upon a time I taught 5 yoga classes a week. Somewhere along the way, after I moved to Asheville 8 years ago, I began to create space between myself and yoga. It was all part of my undoing, my unraveling of perfection. Asheville, in all its beautiful uber consciousness began to create an edge in me, one in which I was pulling away from the hardcore quest to live this life as a destination of perfection. Many things contributed to this. Over time I have strongly come to believe that there is so much more to health than researching every.single.thing and perfect eating and aiming for samadhi. I have never let go of my yoga practice in its entirety, but only recently have I found myself reinvigorating it as a practice of freedom. I have and am learning that most often what feels good and true and right and unforced is indeed what is good and true and right for you.

rainbow

Note to self {when making a decision you feel a little scared of} :: for all the things that could go wrong there are so many more things that could go right.

woman cave

Monday morning greeted me with a long list of to-do’s (who else??). I deliberately moved slowly, taking time for my morning pages & a nourishing breakfast. Then I rallied it as best I could and tackled as many practicals I could muster. Prioritizing, hydrating, crossing things off. Josh’s work day was canceled due to freezing rain. He’s now in the kitchen listening to moody music & baking potatoes and I’m salivating at the amount of butter I plan to fold into mine. I am claiming the rest of this day anti-productive. A mid-Monday-mental-health-afternoon. While he holds down the fort and fathers the kiddos I’m caving up in my corner for an hour of Downton Abbey and the patient waiting of buttery bliss. Then I’m going to fill up the remaining hours of the day by reading aloud to the kids, snuggling my crew till time stands still and continuing to re-calibrate from the last two weeks of the sentimental purge.

——>>  Not already following me on Instagram and would like to be? You can do so right here.

with oodles of lovins’

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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reevaluating life & new directions

Happy New Moon, ladies!

Right now we find ourselves with the buds of Spring on the horizon (sigh, hello sun on my skin!) and with a super new moon solar eclipse today!

New moons are always new beginnings, but this precious moon is said to also be a new *life* beginning.

It’s also ‘International Women’s Day’ to boot!

I think there’s some pretty powerful goodness going on today, don’t you!?

I know I certainly feel a lot of changes happening within and around me. I also feel this fresh new surge of life and gratitude and hope, and boy oh boy does it feel good!

I wanted type up a quick post to leave you with a question that’s been on my mind lately…

rainbow quote

It’s rather amazing, incredible really, when you look around at your life and see how much choice you truly have. How many decisions you are blessed to make.

Since it’s ‘international women’s day’ think for a moment about all the women and girls in our world. How few choices they have.

We are unmistakably blessed in choice.

Use that beautiful choice and ask yourself, if you could empty your life of everything what would you put back in it?

Set intentions around this new visual. Began crafting a life that is closer to the one you truly wish to live out in these breaths that make up our short lives.

(I would like to note that we all feel we have/do have things in our life that we feel we have no choice in. But I like to believe that even in the painful sideswiping stuff that comes our way there is choice.)

I often have my hands in many pots and my heart in many ideas, and every once in awhile I’ll reach a place of borderline overwhelm and have to take a second look at my week/schedule/life.

What’s interesting is I almost ALWAYS go, “well, crap, all these things are things I chose and things I want and things I value.” And that’s where it gets good because then I remember the practice of gratitude (and that’s the best place to start anything)!

It’s, again, yet another fine line of life. Priorities and practicalities, choices and chances, dreams and destinies and just opening the heart up to a messy, wild, beautiful, sometimes painful, and FULL life.

No matter what, setting intentions is darn helpful and today is a real good day to do that!!

Get to it, ladies :) (Need some inspiration? There’s a free intention PDF I’ll send ya if you let me know you want one in the purple box below!)

xx, thanks for reading my rambles!

falan sig

 

If you want to learn more about each particular new and full moon, I love reading Jennifer Raccioppi’s posts!! Check her out!

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the sentimental purge update

serafina

 

For those of you who were asking/wondering about the sentimental purge, here’s an update for ya…

I actually completed it a few weeks ago. The week my son turned 13, which felt truly symbolical.

It’s done.

All done for where I stand in my life in this moment.

I took down thirty three bins from the attic.

I put ten back up. Three of which were bins my children filled with things they chose to keep.

I kept two bins of drawings, two bins of clothes, a bin of my daughter’s journals, a bin of meaningful cards and letters, and a bin of sentimental tangibles. (This doesn’t count the few bins I didn’t even bring down because I knew they were keepers, such as a ‘before kids’ bin, a bin of Josh and I’s stuff, and a bin of my old Mothering magazines/absolute favorite mothering books.)

Essentially I eliminated TWENTY THREE bins of hardcore heartfelt keepsakes from my life.

Fifteen of the bins I let go of were drawings and art projects the kids had made. I went through every single piece of art. Thousands of creations moved through my fingertips while I endured leg cramps and hours upon hours of floor sitting and paper sifting.

Y’all, I am not even joking when I say letting go, purging, & releasing things from my life is a high for me. I truly like to only keep what I love and use and need and want. I don’t do clutter and I never have (err, minus the attic, of course – yet, I hold firm that it was not clutter because it was carefully organized and wanted; chosen to be kept with a hellava lotta heart). This high came with birth, I think. I was the buggerish childhood friend that came over and asked if we could clean and organize your room. I know, not cool.

Nonetheless, for a myriad of emotional reasons and attachments to mothering and my identity as a mother I was hoarding a stash of things I thought I couldn’t let go of.

My plan was to burn the items (as a fire sign I think I’m drawn to burning as a form of releasing), but if you could see the massive amounts of paper that would have been burnt you would understand why, in the end, I chose to recycle them. That was hard. Knowing they were dumped into a big metal bin at our recycling center, my kids creations mixed with bottles and boxes of consumption.

But, in all honesty, the whole process wasn’t near as hard as I expected.

The time invested was the hardest.

I think I was truly ready, which allowed the process to be lighter than I could have ever imagined.

I actually laughed more than I cried. There was a lot of funny shit in there. Kid poop drawings are the best. 😉

The truth is letting go is a practice for me. But letting go of this stuff is something I thought I’d never be ready for…until the kids were grown.

But what I realized is that I was inevitably trying to slow their growth, not fully honoring where my children were by holding on to where they once were.

Not being as present as life intends you to be. Giving the past a bit more power than needed.

I can’t quite explain it in words. It’s primarily a feeling. It was all hanging over my head; literally, in my attic. Taking up heart space and home space and energetic space for this one day in the future when I’d be ready to deal with the emotions of it.

What’s interesting is that most of the emotional processing happened before I even brought the bins down. Most of the tears happened before I began (and a few after).

Who knows, I may go through it again in the not too distant future – of no surprise to Josh, who wonders if I’ll ever stop tinkering and eliminating and changing up our space and our possessions. In some ways it feels a bit silly to hold on to much of any of it in this transient world. But for now I feel good with what I chose to keep and ultimately appreciate the liberation that comes with letting go…because what is life but an ongoing practice of releasing and surrendering.

Halleluiah to letting go!

xxxxxx,

falan sig

 

 

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No need to explain & declining good things

I just wasn’t feeling right about something.

I wanted that to be enough, but I still asked around to see if my concerns were “valid”.

They didn’t seem to be, based on the feedback I received.

I talked it over with Josh and he was in agreeance with me. So I resoluted (I like to make up words) the choice we’d made and shared it with the main person it affected.

Then I began to compile the email I’d send to another person it would mildly affect. Compile it in my head. All the things I’d say to explain why we made the decision we made.

And then a little voice inside raised her hand and spoke.

She said, rather confidently and assertively, “you don’t have to explain.”

And with that a swirl of liberation reminded me that she was absolutely right. I didn’t need to explain to anyone why I was making the choice I was making.

I was making the choice that was best for my family. I was making the choice that felt right in my gut.

And that was enough.

So please remember that is enough for you too.

And you don’t need to explain that enoughness (a second made up word for you).

*************

I opened my email and there sat a myriad of requests and invites.

All good things.

Some I couldn’t do because of prior commitments. Others I didn’t want to do.

But because they were all good and healthy and lovely it felt tempting to say yes.

But I didn’t want to.

Things are always coming at us. Requests, demands, to-do’s and to-don’ts.

(I get a dozen from my kids alone every day.)

There always feels like there is someone to disappoint or let down. Oftentimes that is why we feel the need to explain – to lessen or soften the disappointment.

Though I feel quite content in my ability to set boundaries and make choices only aligned with my values, I feel I am just learning how to be comfortable in letting others down.

Because, honestly, you may disappoint someone else but it ultimately feels worse to disappoint yourself. To let yourself down.

Or simply to say yes to something you may resent doing.

Plus, as I’m sure you’ve heard it before, when we say yes to something we are inevitably saying no to something else. That’s just how it works.

So, that’s that ladies. Though I could say oodles more to flesh out these bony points, I just wanted to share these two things right quick why they were on my mind, incase you found yourself in a similar place too.

Happy Imbolc, ladies! Thanks for reading.

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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Recent realizations on purging, fear & letting go

flowerquoteSometimes I have this restlessness wash over me.

It comes out of nowhere, consuming me, rippling up and down my skin, making me feel like I have no choice but to unzip my skin and step out of it.

The other night, sometime last week, I was crying the blubbery heart-felt cry on Josh’s shoulder because my son will become a teenager in just a couple weeks.

This year my children will turn 13, 11 and 7.

This feels like I am mothering in this in-between phase of it all. Realizing my littlest will turn 7 late this year feels like I am so far away from the all consuming pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding phases of my life.

Far away from the days I feel largely defined by.

And this is where the fear realization comes in.

Let me preface what I want to say with two things

1. I am not a fan of stuff.

2.  I have no addictions related to coffee, smoking, drugs, exercise, eating, shopping or any of the commonplace things.

However, I do have a few addictions.

They are:

  1. purging things
  2. my family
  3. drinking water

Oh, and pen & paper of course (who the hell can live without that?? Sorry -if you can- we can’t be friends.)

Now, on to the fear.

The first fear realization is related to purging and mothering.

wolfmoon

Like a reliable friend, I can always count on my urge to purge. I have been like this since I was a child, needing to let things go when I feel like I’ve transitioned to a new phase of myself, or if something doesn’t fit who I’ve become/fit with my values, or if I simply crave an external/visual representation of change.

Purging comes naturally for me and with time I have built up the ability to let things go with ease.

All but one thing.

Those damn sentimental items.

Related to my children.

My attic doesn’t store dusty bit and bobs, or broken lamps, or boxes of forgotten memorabilia.

Nope, it holds well organized, labeled and heart-pulling tangibles related to my kids. Sheepishly I admit I have dozens of bins that hold nearly every drawing, note and art creation my kids have made.

Minus the ones they have gifted and given to friends and family. (Gawd, that was a “letting go” all in itself.)

Now I know sentemenital items are the struggle for nearly all those who find themselves at ease with decluttering, but this, my friend, has been something I was certain I would hold onto until my kids were grown, no matter what else I released from my life.

And then I would sit, lonely and sobbing in the middle of my floor, surround by ceiling high stacks of their creations, going through them and choosing my most favorite (oh, please, they are all my favorite, you foolishly hopeless mother!) and turn them into scrapbooks.

I also plan(ned) to have all my favorite clothes of theirs turned into a quilt for each of them.

Who cares that I have enough clothes to make them a dozen quilts. Each.

Just kidding.

Kind of.

Oh, that’s right, I’m supposed to be talking about fear.

So, when this restlessness washed over me recently my thoughts moved to the attic collection.

My spirit was nudging me that the time had come to deal with it.

I had felt whispers rising somewhere within that I wanted to face the museum worth of memorabilia I had been collecting, but I have continually shoved it away in a dark corner of my mind, knowing it would be an all consuming and ridiculously overwhelming task. Both in time and emotion.

But last week a light was shone on my fear and the real reason I am holding on to all these things.

Like any hoarder, it is always fear based.

I realized that I am keeping all these things because I am so afraid of losing and moving on from this time in my life. This time of mothering these children. This time that has shaped me and primarily formed me into the woman I am.

This time that has fed the very heart that anchors in the center of my spirit.

This time, that no matter what the future holds, will the be the time I always want to return to.

But (and this is important) I know better.

I know this life is transient and simply a passage on our way to death.

This body will not always have a place to keep these things and I am certain my spirit will not care how many things I’ve kept to remind me of this passage of motherhood.

Because my spirit has captured the essence of this time in my life and items are just that – items that spark my brain to pay attention to my spirit, which knows this passage of motherhood has been my greatest journey thus far.

I know that a small, carefully selected collection of tangible things to look through would be much more meaningful than an overwhelming madness of paper and clothes that are physical reminders of my attachment.

Something in me says it’s time to let go.

I am terrified to face the emotions that will come up when I go through these things.

Josh is terrified of the madness and mess that will ensue.

But something in me tells me I will appreciate what I have so much more when it is simplified.

I am always telling people “less is more”.

I truly truly believe when you fill your life with the things that matter most and let the rest fall away that we live much more meaningful lives than when we fill them with allthethings.

Yet for some reason, filling my attic with allthethings felt like a good thing. A testament of my love and devotion to this time in my life. A way to capture what is and what I know will eventually be over.

But never lost.

And I don’t need allthesethings to keep it from being lost.

rainbow

Purging, for me, is liberating.

I know that going through all these sentimental things will be exhausting but ultimately liberating in the inevitable freedom of knowing that these items do not define my memories.

Liberating in the letting go and making more space to be present and open to what is.

As I am often telling my children, the memories last in your spirit forever.

Out of sight is not out of mind for me. I feel the weight of these things literally hanging over my head in the attic.

So, while I have just completed another all-to-familiar purge, I feel I may have the most massive one of my life before me.

Part of me feels that perhaps I should just let it go in the way I planned – leave it there until they are grown and then face it.

But I sense the time is now.

My next step in letting go, facing the truth of impermance, learning to trust and welcoming the next unfolding of life.

My next step in facing fear, in being truly here.

snow

And while I’m on the topic of fear, I have one more to touch on.

Marriage.

Again.

As if I haven’t touched on this enough in this space.

It has been and continues to be my greatest lesson in love.

And fear.

And choosing love over fear.

This past weekend, which was extended and slow due to snow, was beautiful.

I spent time with Josh laughing at a silly movie I usually would have been uninterested in and walking the moonlit snowy midnight hours on our land and down our trail. We laid in bed talking, asking random ‘what if’ and ‘how would’ questions to each other, laughing and leaning into our time with one another.

While sledding with the kids and their homeschool friends I spent much of the time watching him with fresh and knee weakend eyes of love.

I am feeling the strength of our relationship. The best friend he truly is.

Marriage, another ultimate act of letting go (and holding on hella’ hard). Of dying and rebirthing again and again, as a single soul and as united souls.

I see clearly how many times I treat him a certain way out of fear.

Fear of being hurt, fear of losing him, fear of facing whatever life brings us.

I see how I sometimes sabotage our time and our growth by acting out of fear.

I think we can all agree that fear is a waste of time.

Truly.

Perhaps it serves us in helpful ways; you know, don’t touch the hot stove or you’ll burn yourself kind of ways.

But when it interferes with the passage of time, the unfolding of life, the ability to trust, the ability to enjoy and move forward…when it interferes with the ability to be all here in what lays before you because you remain stuck somewhere in the past and perhaps the future then it’s time to acknowledge it and make a change.

It may be a tangible change or a behavioral change, but no matter what it will be an emotional change.

So, after this wordy ramble I hope you can take a moment to see where your fear is affecting your life.

To shine a light on where you may be holding on, holding back, attaching…not letting go so something good can come through.

I think making a conscious choice to face the fear we see will help us to face fear when we feel like we don’t have a choice.

Facing my attic is a physical way to face my emotional fear. I know this.

Life is but a passage of surrender. Of letting go and welcoming in and letting go again.

It is releasing the past, being present with the present, and being open to the future.

May we all lean into it, as best we can.

Thank you for reading. If you’re feeling brave, please leave me a comment and let me know a fear you may be facing.  I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other women in this space will be able to relate!

With love,

falan sig

 

 

P.S. I recently watched this and found it incredibly beautiful.

I’ve saved the link to this inspiring article for quite some time and am finally remembering to share it with you. What the dying really regret.

 

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Three tried and true practices I use daily

falanwritespic

“writing.
is the way
your
being speaks to you.” -nayyirah waheed

1. Journaling.

I wake and pull back the curtains, just enough to fill the corner of my bed with light and just enough to watch for the deer.

I grab my journal and pen and open to the first empty page. I keep one sleepy eye on the ink and one out the window, waiting.

I begin with the first heavy thing on my mind. The next. The next. I write fluidly, my body now responding to the inevitable.

The heaviness softening after half a page. Lightness taking over.

I forget to watch for the deer.

I kept going, with great ease, filling seven pages in little movement of time.

Journaling is my nearly daily go-to…to know just where I am, just what I’m going through, just what is and why it is.

It is a source of relief, a source of clarity, a source of understanding.

It is a place to set down all of me, the whole of me, the entirety of me.

It is a place to lay down the burdens, the confusions and the clutters of life. And sometimes the undeniable beauty and overwhelming gratitude.

Allowing me to face the day with much greater internal spaciousness and awareness.

Claiming a small chunk of your day to devote to this practice will change so many things for you.

So many things.

Go forth and saturate the page with ink and with yourself. Write, without edits, without worries, without legibility. Write. Lay it down. Let it out.

I recommend using this practice to capture your heart in all its many measures, madness, magic and messiness.

2. Fertility Awareness Method

I first began charting my cycle 10 years ago, after my second pregnancy and after a La Leche Leaque friend recommended Taking Charge of your Fertility.

I was breastfeeding at the time and so it was a tricky time to began the process, but I stuck with it for years until I fell pregnant again.

Then I let it go in the throws of mothering three and not cycling while breastfeeding.

In time, I picked it up again.

I cannot stress the importance of charting your fertility.

This is the number one measure of your health as a woman.

It is literally a monthly report card of your health.

This past Summer/Fall we experienced a lot of stress. In all honesty, I didn’t realize how stressed my body was. I take pride in traveling through life and its curveballs with as much grace and trust as I can and I think this led me to deny the affects the stress was having on my body, despite the fact that I was feeling like a dozen women a day, my moods greatly affected by my hormonal upheaval.

However, my fertility chart for the month made everything clear. There was no denying the stress when I watched my temperatures spaz out and ultimately realized my body was not ovulating one month.

Unfortunately, this caused more stress for me and I had to undergo the conscious effort to find compassion for myself and offer an extra dose of self nurturing and trust.

I took great care in restoring my hormones, allowing me to ovulate again and actually have a more stable hormonal unfolding in the end.

If it wasn’t for my charts I wouldn’t have been able to quickly identify the changes in my bodies rhythms and restore it to harmony so quickly!

Think about that for a minute – as a woman you have the power and possibility of gauging a ton of information about your health, well being, moods, cycles, hormones and more!

It is incredible!!

Please, if you are not already doing so, please begin. This book will tell you all you need to know.

I recommend using this practice to develop a most profound relationship with your body, keeping a log of the hormonal system that guides your health and tending to yourself with immense awareness.

3. New Moon Intentions

New moons are new beginnings, simply put.

New moon intentions are just that – intentions set at the New moon, each month.

They are not goals or resolutions, but rather a heartfelt and focused claim to what you’d like to live out during the upcoming lunar cycle.

New Moon intentions offer us a chance to refocus and realign with what matters most at that time each month.

You set them once a month and then use them daily to guide you.

You can learn more about setting new moon intentions here, and also receive a lovely little pdf to write yours each month by joining my mailing list in the purple box below.

I recommend using this tool to claim what you want, make choices that support what you want, and to practice receiving what you want.

I sincerely hope this inspires you to try out one or each of these practices that speak to you, if you are not already using them.

Let me know if you have any questions by leaving a comment below (or emailing)!

xx,

falan sig

 

 

 

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tender ramble

1

Sometimes I tuck my hand under his chest after he’s fallen asleep. Just to feel his heartbeat in my hand.

Time seems rapidly stolen lately, by some sneaky portal, wrapping its wicked cloak around the passage of life, adrenalizing the tick tock of it all.

Sometimes I feel so uncertain.

Because, for whatever reason, most of us move through life assuming everything that was hard and ugly and painful is behind us and everything that is beautiful and easy and smooth is before us.

And it simply isn’t true.

It’s all so confusing.

Because often what we want is something we don’t have and what we have is oftentimes exactly what we want, but we look for the thing we don’t have instead of falling hard into what we do have.

3

There have been so many written words there have been no words here.

All the words have been held hostage in the ink that stains the blank pages that wait, loyal and steady, on my end table.

I’ve been letting my journals pile, like I never have. A girl who ripped the words from her journals as a child/teen became a woman who didn’t write in the passion of motherhood became a woman who found handwritten words in herself again, but who always burned them.

Now I have been letting them form into a pile of stories about who I was.

Who I was in a moment that no longer exists.

Catching all the words that reveal the fine line of life.

The many fine lines. Of letting go and holding on. Of faith and fear. Of aliveness and death. Of grief and joy.

I’ve been thinking hard on the depthness of which I feel life, and the many things that have revealed to me lately that this way of depth isn’t so common in the company I keep.

That it is death and the transience of all things that keeps me alive – making sure I live this life with as much heart as I can muster in my imperfect humanness.

2

I spent much of Summer and Fall feeling like a dozen different women in one day, sometimes in one hour.

Winter feels like I’ve been wrapped in a line-dried crisp white sheet, flooding light onto and into all I need to see. It’s a breath of fresh air, in the same way snow covers all the colors of the earth to bring the deepest sense of calm.

This book. This book. This book. In all honesty there are so few books that have ever opened like a portal that I fell so deep in to. So few books, like this one, that I savored every word that spoke the language of my spirit.

I’ve let go of so many things. Always trying to bare my life in the simplest sense. The task of simplifying all things materialistic and most things calendaristic are like second nature, but many times I have to re-work the sharings of myself here.

So, here I am, new year, new post, saying hello with the familiar tender heart of mine.

Thank you for being here.

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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My absence and magical Solstice wishes

broken open

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been the longest stretch of time since I began this blog that I’ve gone without sharing.

There are so many new women who have joined this space since my last words and so many of you who have been here since the near beginning. Thank you to you all.

At this point, I only know what happened in feelings these past few months.

The words are captured in the inky pages of honesty known as my journal, and as always I am grateful for such a bare and endless place to hold all of who I am.

I know I’ve spent many days feeling like a dozen different women, often in the same day.

Do you ever feel like that?

With the Solstice upon us and the turn of season to darkness I feel the pleasure of a new beginning and the desire to live the woman I currently am.

I’m hoping I find myself here in the new year, sharing bits and bobs of myself and opening circles again.

Mostly, I wanted to wish you the most magical Solstice and the happiest of Holidays, however you may celebrate them.

Thank you for being here. Thank you, thank you.

falan sig

 

 

Feel like you belong here? Sign up for heart-full inbox hellos and blog post updates. To say thank you I'll send you a 'new moon intentions' sheet to help you make the most of each new lunar cycle.
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