Choice and the world can wait.

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“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” -John Lennon

The world can wait.

When we are living lives, free of fresh trauma, daily health concerns, terminal illness and/or shattering pain, we need to realize how flexible, how malleable our lives truly our in each moment.

How much choice we truly have.

Really, choice remains regardless of our circumstances.

But we often fail to realize how much we take our choice for granted when we don’t have an overwhelming situation guiding our every move and choice.

Understanding that choice changes everything.

When we can shadow our lives just long enough to see how incredible choice is, how magical freedom is, how blessed our lives really are, then we understand that the world can wait.

The world can wait on you to answer the flood of emails while you soak your feet in an Epsom herbal bath & paint your toenails black.

The world can wait for you to tidy up the kitchen while you run around in the dark, under the waxing moon, with your kids.

The world can wait for you to read a tangible, pageable book while you shut down the electromagnetic waves of your smartphone/laptop for awhile.

To live your life instead of peeking into the lives of others far too often.

The world can wait while you step outside, snuggle a loved one or take a nap.

The world can wait for you to live your life instead of meeting the demands of everyone else’s life.

Instead of you warming your worth by what you do.

The world can wait for your while you choose wants over ‘shoulds’.

The world will wait for you to self nourish yourself because nourishing yourself is actually the least selfish thing you can do.

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Sometimes life can make you feel like a bursting abdomen that ate far too much bread.

There’s so much freaking stuff we want to do, need to do, desire to do…

Our lives are insanely full, even if most of that fullness lives in our heads and hearts.

Our lives thread along the seam of fragility.

Our time is not infinite in the form we live within now.

We must walk the razors edge of now and later, priority and postpone, this or that.

It’s hard.

The world can wait.

But our lives won’t.

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We must learn to navigate this tricky threshold and choose between what matters now and what can wait.

Here’s a lil’ thing I’ve taken on from the classic The Artist’s Way to help pilot the things I know can wait; yet, don’t want to be dismissed.

The God’s Got It file.

Now, before you let your panties slide up your butt thinking I’ve gone religious here on my blog, I haven’t. Not even a dollop.

Yet, I believe fully in the power of something much larger than myself, in the governing force of life, God’s and Goddesses, energy, magic, serendipity, diving timing, divinity, spirit, soul…

I believe.

The God’s Got It file is the place on my desk that holds all my random bits of paper and index cards with the eons of thoughts that pass through this eager and dreamy mind of mine.

I put it there, I let it go, I trust, I let the world hold it.

The world will wait for us to get to it.

But it won’t wait for us to live our lives now.

Happy Samhain & Happy Halloween,

falan sig

 

 

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Claiming my sensitive, shattering ‘shoulds’ and leaving a crack for joy

lunashirt

We live by the sun, we feel by the moon

I was moved by the number of ladies who showed up in my inbox after last weeks post, sharing a resonation with the feelings I seem to be moving through lately.

I see that I’ve carried sensitivity since I was a child; yet, I also see a tremendous freshness of it over this past year. It’s as if the parameter of my heart was peeled smoothly with a potato peeler.

I know part of this has to do with the bleep-er of an awakening I went through early this year. Another part of it feels like lost footing as I transition from a much needed Mother (creating, nursing and holding littles close) to a Mom with three kids fending more and more for themselves.

What’s interesting is that I’m a ridiculously spunky person. Just a few hours ago, I was cooking up dinner while jamming to 90′s skating rink music like a goofball, followed by dinner convo of butts and turds and all that jazz.

But words seem to flow from me here mostly when softness and mulling is lingering.

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We are complex beings and I want my internet home to show my own complexity. In a world of internet saturation and peeks into what feels like perfect lives, I want to show you that I am real. Very real.

I want you to accept your realness too.

Whoever we are, let’s be who we are.

I get roused up when life makes us think we should feel the same all the time. The seasons live within us and we are turned inside out by our experiences in life, our relationships with others and with ourselves, loss, the melancholy of Fall, astrological and lunar shifts and tremendous amounts of more…

I want us to all be okay with where we are. With who we are.

To be okay; always leaving a crack for joy to sneak through.

Right now my joy is sneaking in in one very simple way.

To choose want over should as much as possible.

Should seems like an appropriate suffix for all of us. It’s rather wild how much we take on and act on because we should.

It’s sad how often we do the shoulds before the wants, somehow assured that the shoulds are more important than the wants, or that we don’t deserve the wants without finishing up the shoulds.

The truth is; however, that the shoulds are never done and when we choose a day of shoulds we don’t have anything left over for our wants.

Then resentment swallows joy.

Yet, when we choose the wants and honor the sacred request of what calls to us we create joy. That joy feeds our energy & our time to serve our shoulds that are actually needs, or to finally let go of the shoulds that should are ready to be shattered.

new moon love,

falan sig

 

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Vulnerablity, inadequacy and truth telling

anaisninI often feel like I wait too long to show up in this space.

I feel like I teeter in between this place of wanting to be seen and wanting no one to see me.

Don’t we all?

Sometimes I think to myself, “who the hell wants to read my personal ramblings?” fallleaves

Fall feels as though she went through my spice cabinet and sprinkled herself with cumin, turmeric, cayenne and the like to warm the seasons coolness.

Driving into town last week I felt a twinge of grief in the air, knowing Fall would pass far too soon.

Life feels mixed grief, the lingering playfulness of yesterday’s dream, the crispness of the Autumn air and the comfort of weekend lovemaking.

gigi This past week we lost a dear matriarch, our Gigi. She died beautifully and lived beautifully.

We recently lost three chickens to these country woods.

Last week many women held space for National infant and pregnancy loss awareness day. So many of us have experienced this type of loss. I recently shared some heart-full thoughts on miscarriage in SQUAT Birth Journal. You can view the pdf of the magazine for free here.

lakeeden I spent a past weekend at the Southeast Wise Women Herbal Conference. Again, I came home early Saturday night, as the distance from family is too much for me and my crew.

I find myself unable to hold space for all the energy there. I like my safe cocoon of home.

There’s so much wisdom that I almost feel too full when I leave.

Yet, it unlocks more about me each time I go.

I spent nearly the entire Death and Dying class with goosebumps. Surprisingly, it was one of the classes I looked forward to the most. A little unknown fact about me is I am drawn to death and spend a decent amount of my reading time in books that highlight loss, and in thoughts that inspire presence because of inevitable loss. An interest in volunteering at Hospice has sat with me for while and this class concluded that I am being called to serve with and/or prepare for death.

Taking the intensive with Rosita Arvigo was a long held wish of mine. Here, I sat reminded of the incredible power of our wombs and inspired to expand my She Cycles course with more lushness of the uterus. And quite honestly, it inspired me to perhaps tell one of my truths of why I created the course in the first place. Something I’m quite unsure if I’m ready to tell.

I forest bathed, listened to the beautiful Aviva Romm talk about yoni’s, soaked up comfort in the stones class for empaths, listened to the sweet Emily Ruff talk Sacred Science, and absorbed Robin Rose Bennett’s humble talk on moon magic and women’s health.

sunrise I’m feeling a very personal loss myself in this phase of my life. A quiet almost unmentioned loss.

I am getting lost in the pages of my journal. Un-layering, unraveling, unearthing what is deeper than what I show.

I’m confused because I’m far more goofy and playful than my writings ever reveal.

I keep wondering when I am going to regain my social interest that seems to have vanished this past Winter.

I’ve been thinking much about how we take for granted what we have and want what we don’t have.

I’ve been watching synchronicity magic up my life lately, reminding me that I am uncovering the right path.

I am taking an internet consumption break. I dislike the disconnect of myself I feel when I hear too much of others.

I’ve been facing my own inadequacy lately. Watching where my worth is validated.

Vulnerability is such a tough and beautiful thing. A critical thing.

Life keeps calling me to tell you more of my truth. Truth I already know and truth I am discovering.

It’s scary.

caramelapplesWith vulnerability in mind and our desire as women to be seen and to not be seen, I am opening a virtual circle this Winter for those of us who want to explore this part of ourselves, to uncover the truths we keep hidden. So many of you have expressed the wish that my She Cycles course offered a deeper way of connection with me and the other women taking it. This circle and the expanding She Cycles will offer a bit of this connection. xx

With wishes to share a cup of hot cocoa with you,

falan sig

 

And for the sheer sake of it, a couple videos that share a bit of the recent soundtrack around our home.

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Transitions and a tribute to my body

luna

My current life began in August.

We bought our home, I stepped into a new pain of forgiving, and a week later my littlest quit breastfeeding.

In this moment, I want to step within a door that is now closed.

She didn’t nurse before bed for about a week and I danced around the sporadic tears that would show up when I thought about the closing of this part of me.

And then, she was upset one evening and asked to nurse. Grateful for this last chance, I sat on the edge of my bed, scooped her into my arms and nursed her knowing it was the very last time.

Her last time.

My last time.

She hugged my breasts goodbye (an unspoken knowing in her too) and I softly cried at the profoundness of the moment.

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Tears sting my eyes as I share this moment with you.

You see, I was 19 years old when I chose motherhood. Consciously chose to welcome life, and expand love, between the love of Josh and I.

I had no no no idea what that would mean for us, for me.

I didn’t know that it would be motherhood that would define me, shape me, make me.

A dozen years in and I have spent ALL of it pregnant, nursing or both. I have held babies and toddlers to my breast for 10 and half years total.

Five pregnancies. A bed birth, a water birth and a floor birth. Two miscarried births.

Hormonal havoc, oxytocin rushes, mama lioness, mama weakness, stretched belly, soft skinned breasts, blood, milk, tears, spirit, deep deep joy and deep deep blues.

For the first time in twelve and a half years I am not pregnant and I am not breastfeeding.

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As women, our breasts, our hands and our mouths are connected to our hearts and serve those we love.

My breasts may be done but I’ll always serve with my heart and hands.

With a part of me who thought I’d never want to be done with babies and with a part of me that now loves what this means for the relationship with myself and my husband, I am transitioning.

Behind the door lies a tremendous part of my identity. One I’ve always been greatly attached to and scared to distance myself from.

For this reason, it’s not easy to gather words to express this transition.

It’s fluid and natural and feels just so. It’s hung up in my heart waiting for me to fully celebrate, acknowledge and sweetly close the door on what has been the most important, profound and sincerest part of my life.

When all you got are words and you want to set your heart ablaze with your story, but it doesn’t seem enough…this is what I have in this moment.

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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Four (and more) ways to enjoy Fall

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The Autumnal Equinox is here and with that the season has turned to my favorite time of year.

I spent the morning outside, eating breakfast with the kids, drinking oatstraw tea, absorbing the cool morning air, listing the things we most look forward to during Fall and wishing I could bottle the essence of my joy up.

I wanted to share four things that can help you and I to fully enjoy this season (other than the obvious goodness in the photo above).

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Reflection. With Fall’s seasonal turn it’s the perfect time for reflection. This is the time of year to turn inward, slow down and reflect on our lives.

With the Equinox (for those enjoying the Vernal (Spring) Equinox too) nature is revealing a balance on this very magical day. Night and Day are balanced, and from this day forward our nights will become longer and longer until we reach the longest night of the year (the Winter Solstice).

Today’s balance of Mama Earth offers the space to reflect on balance in our own lives.

I don’t believe in balance in our masculine-driven-society-kind-of-way. But I certainly believe in the balance nature so beautifully reveals to us. The balance that each season gorgeously guides our lives through, ultimately making space for the seasons within us to be lived out.

Today is the day to take note of what in your life feels out of balance. Reflect on the last few months of Summer and set an intention of what you’d like to foster more of this Fall.

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Letting go. With all seasonal shifts, I believe it’s a time to release. To let go and make space for the new.

I like to physically burn something to symbolize this letting go, such as old journal pages, filled with sadness, confusion and longings I’m ready to dissolve. For those who believe burning your journal pages is naughty, you can journal a ‘letting go’ page in your journal to keep, or on a single page of paper so you can burn it alone.

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Nature. Each season offers us the cyclical magic of nature. With Fall, it’s time to welcome death to the parts of your life that need letting go, while you watch it reflected in Mother Nature’s letting go of leaves.

Open your windows each morning and feel the soft coolness of the earth that encourages you to soften and slow your life. Enjoy evening walks, hang a hammock, and take tons of hikes.

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Warmth. Break out the crochet blankets, draping them on the bed, a corner chair, the couch and a porch bench. Spend the cool evenings warming yourself with soups, roasted root veggies, decadent hot chocolate and hot tea.

Warm your body and your spirit.

Wishing you a beautiful Autumn. Please tell me, in the comments below, what beauty you’re looking forward to this season.

xx,

falan sig

 

 

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Let life unfold

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I get quiet in this space when there’s much going on and when I feel like there’s too much to say.

Oftentimes this is why I’m writing as I’m coming “out” of some sort of introversion.

We bought a home earlier this month after what felt like eons of seeking our homestead.

It’s been a uprooting of one rhythm to another and a pivotal moment in our lives that has shaken up what’s familiar & is giving us the courage to be honest with ourselves.

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Having been raised by a very logical mother and a very faithful father I feel both parts of these strongly in myself.

I trust the divineness of life, truly believe everything happens for a reason & have taken tons of leaps of faith, and, yet, sometimes I want to figure things out so badly and know exactly how things will look.

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But that steals the magic of life, does it not?

A few months ago I read The Not So Big Life.

As a lover of simplicity, I seek it and I sow it; however, I can crazy up the simple sometimes too.

This book presents something I live by on many levels, but that I wasn’t (and am not) fully living.

It’s this concept that we simply need to do just what is in front of us and life itself will present the next step.

The OCD tendencies (of mine) that have hung around since childhood have been watered down by the rain of life, but their seeds still want to sprout at times.

Sometimes for me it can be really hard to just need to know the next step. I often want a ten step plan that leads right to how I envision things.

But it feels like honey in my heart to give myself permission to only need to know the next step.

So I practice.

And I welcome you to too.

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Let’s trust in the beautiful unfolding of life that will happen no matter how we face it. Let’s not slice into this unfolding with the sharp edge of our pen and demand a step by step outline of exactness.

That’s boring.

Let’s trust that when we have an end in mind and we do each very thing that is in front of us, we will reach that end. Often times in ways we could never foresee, as life’s river flows freely when we stop trying to redirect its path.

With warmth,

falan sig

 

 

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Crazy days, New beginnings, Crying and Bookending your days with ritual

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We are energetic beings with an infinite capacity of spirit and a finite capacity of humanness.

Our lives can be only so full while we walk the earth.

How many times have I written of the threadbare line between the chaos and the beautiful of life?

It fascinates me.

Right now I am standing in the river that separates endings and beginnings.

Sometimes it feels every day, and even every moment, something ends and something begins.

And sometimes it’s so obvious that a long lasting part of life is ending and a new one is beginning.

Dreams are coming true in my life and I teeter back and forth between sheer thrill and practical tendings.

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This past year has been one hell of a year of healing for me. Astrologically it seems it was time.

Last June, a year ago, something happened in my life that broke off a piece of my heart that was barely holding on. Kind of like a rotting tooth that eventually caves in and crumbles.

Its been a year of forgiveness, of letting go and of releasing that came to an eruption this past winter.

And now it appears it’s my time for new beginnings.

I feel the zesty, spunky and playful side of myself emerging from the dark nights of my soul.

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But sometimes I feel like a skin of sensitivity.

I cry easily and often.

I cry a beautiful and truthful cry.

It wasn’t always this way. I’m certain I’ve always been sensitive; however, I lived a fair chunk of my life in control mode that kept tears mostly reserved for more serious situations.

But now I cry when my girls tackle the diving board, while I cut potatoes and listen to music that reminds me of when Josh and I first found love in each other, when I feel like life is too good too be real and too painful to bear.

I cry to release because I get overloaded. Even with a consciousness to keep life simple and meaningful, sometimes I get too full.

Two weeks ago tears were the only relief I could find.

I have found comfort in my ability to weep and tear and sob. Because tears are not meant to be stopped.

They release the excess you carry and wake you to the forgotten parts of yourself in this weathered world.

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So, the point I am making is life can be crazy. And absolutely beautiful.

The days can seep by as quickly as the earth soaks up the water after a hefty rain; leaving you feeling like a mix of drenched and heavy soil and as light as a rain dropped petal.

Crying helps.

And something else helps too.

Bookending (beginning and ending) your days with ritual and routine.

Why?

So that no matter what the day looks like in between, it began and ended with a nourishment and rhythm that was calm and beautiful.

Because the time before sleep and upon waking are close to a sacred realm we seem further from with the hustle of some days.

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Won’t you join me in beginning and ending your day with warmth?

How?

Create something to go by.

Be flexible.

Never ridged.

Never ever include your smartphone.

Use beautiful things.

Never include anything out of healthy obligation.

Some days don’t follow it.

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This is the typical current rhythm you’d find me in as I start and close my day. I’m always tweaking pieces of it. Of course all mornings are coupled with the company of my children – telling me of their dreams, snuggling, making requests, & of course some nights are coupled with the company of my love (though most of my evening ritual happens after the whole house sleeps). And some days nearly all of it goes to shit.

Night night,

falan sig

 

 

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Super Special Birthday Freebie for my Readers!

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MARK YOUR CALENDERS: On July 28th, for 24 hours EST, I will be offering She Cycles, my ecourse on the menstrual cycle, FOR FREE to anyone on my mailing list!

Why? Because I love you, because I’m grateful you are here supporting my words by reading them. AND because it’s my birthday and I want to give back.

I also, very very sincerely, want this information to touch more and more women’s lives.

Sometimes we must do what our heart asks us to do.

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This will only be for those on my mailing list, which you can lovingly join in the purple box below.

At 12:01am EST on July 28th, I will mail out a coupon code that will wipe the price of the course out to zero. That’s an $84 birthday celebration coupon for you!

If you have taken my course and you have friends who you’d know would like it, OR you have friends who you think would like to take the course alongside you, I’d be honored if you would share a link to this blog post.

Jupiter has moved into Leo and I am pumped for new beginnings. My heart is full and I’d like to share the love. Hello to new menstrual cycle beginnings for you all :)

With love,

falan sig

 

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Full, pregnant and ripe with the untidiness of life

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I have been knee deep in life lately.

Full, pregnant and ripe with the untidiness of all that life is.

I have found myself distanced from this space, too plump to merge my thoughts into words to share.
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Life is simultaneously so brutal and beautiful, isn’t it?

Sometimes I feel like it’s like my dream life. At first look, things seem like a big ole mush of messiness, yet; with openness and reflection you see that something is there; revealing and merging, leading and urging.

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Life is full of endings and beginnings, and over and over again I find myself looking to the heart, the womb and the gut, sourcing these wisdom centers to find my way. And over and over again I find myself briefly lost in the weathered days. Exquisite joy, tears and tears, an aging face and an ageless heart.

That’s all for now.

With the warmest love,

falan sig

 

 

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The trouble with trying to figure things out.

maryoliverlake

I was chatting with Mama friends yesterday afternoon, and one Mama mentioned how she was “trying to figure it out.”

As in figure out what she was going through, and where she wanted to go next.

The desire to figure out our life is so alluring.

Gosh, do I want to figure things out.

I love to plan and prep, and contrive to figure out myself and this world within and around me.

I know control all too well.

Yet, my response to this friend was “maybe you don’t have to figure anything out.”

thelaurel

You see, our egos like to manipulate our lives by giving ourselves an illusion of control, so that we believe we have it all figured out.

This makes us feel safe, and settles our fears enough to feel like we are in control.

Of course our ego has a purpose; nonetheless, we must hush her sometimes to let our spirits lead.

I think we often forget the sacredness of ourselves. We shove down spirit, as if it’s more comfortable to perceive ourselves as slaves to our demands.

The problem with trying to figure it all out is that we forget that the soul exists. And when we forget that the soul exists we lose our attentiveness.

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It’s our attentiveness that reminds us of our soul, as Mary Oliver tells us.

When I think of attentiveness, my mind skips to the last couple days of my life.

The way my husband loved on me fiercely, lovingly and goofyingly, in the kitchen as we listened to this.

The watching of my kids running wildly down the hiking trail in the thundering, windy rain; my littlest wrapped in her bright pink towel.

The way he woke me in the early morning hours to make love.

The lush greenery that padded the winding mountain roads of our drive.

The late afternoon couch snuggling of my long legged, tired and content kids.

The feeling of the moist grass on my feet, as I snuck out late last night to peek at the full moon.

This very second, where my littlest came running in from outside and thrust her arm under my nose, because she knows how I love the smell of sunshine on her skin.

On an on and on it goes.

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It was attentiveness that nestled these moments in like those darling baby birds above.

These moments happened in the moments when I wasn’t trying to figure anything out.

These were the “strengthening throbs of amazement; the good sweet empathetic pings and swells” that remind me I am much more than I often see myself to be.

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We are surrounded by sacredness.

And, of course, life is a freaking mess sometimes.

And sometimes, nearly every time, there is nothing to figure out.

Sometimes, nearly every time, all we need to do is to let things happen vs. making things happen.

To do the very step that is in front of you, staying there until it’s done; then doing the next step that will so flawlessly unfold.

This is an awake life, where attentiveness continually reminds you that you too are much more than you often see yourself to be.

With love. Always with love,

falan sig

 

 

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