The layers, years, struggles and love of marriage

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I stand at the window and watch her guide him into the van.

A few months ago he had a stroke and I remember watching her run toward the door with a mournful and anguished wail trailing behind her.

Our neighbors, in their late 50′s; married for years, I imagine, with all the struggles and love of marriage. And now a profound expression of this interwoven struggle and love.

An expression of love that reminds me what a blessing it is to have someone to share your life with that would see you through the inevitable curveballs of a life lived.

I tear up every time she helps him into the van and closes the door behind him, like a child.

A layer of love not yet traversed before. And this layer is so deep.

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I know I’ve wrote of love here many times before; yet, there always seems more to say.

It seems love has been the greatest growth of my life.

I met him so young and followed a love that intuition had the reigns of.

It wasn’t lust and it wasn’t immature.

When we made the decision to marry just months after we met, at 18, I didn’t really understand what that would look like long term.

Thankfully he did, or I would have given up far too many times.

For years I looked for ways out. Not because love wasn’t there. But because things were hard.

No one told me marriage was hard. Of course the examples in my life weren’t sugar coated, with the edges of life buffed smooth, but you don’t really see the truth of what marriage means when you’re that young. Somehow you think it’s just those examples.

Of course, love itself isn’t hard. What is hard is navigating the world with our egos and attachments, our ideals and our burdens.

Marriage is hard. Really effing hard.

Love is easy, love is whole, love is always there. It’s the hardening of our hearts and the upkeep of our life and the disappointments of our expectations that stop the flow of love like a kink in a water hose.

What a tremendous act of faith, love, and commitment to say I will share this life with you through it all.

I guess those vows, “through thick an thin, through sickness and health…” are really meant for something.

Funny thing is, we didn’t even share vows. It was as simple as a heart understanding that the love we had was so real.  

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Love is like the beautiful and bright, fresh colors of paint. And marriage is sometimes like mixing them all together until it appears like mud.

As two fiery souls we have had our fair share of uncontrolled flames.

As two passionate people we literally have wrestling/snuggle/tender biting/laughing fests to calm the chaos of our tremendous love.

Over the years there has been laughter until loss of breath, tears until dehydration, and screams until weakness.

I remember the youthfulness of our love. Me with my hip hanging low pants, half shirt, flat belly, wild red hair, and a cigarette or doobie between my fingers. Him with his plaid shirt, khaki pants, loafer shoes, and cool presence of refusing to be cool.

I remember stenciling on his bum with permanent marker. I remember the joy of running through the college campus in the rain.

I remember the awe I felt that he hadn’t been tainted by the pull of teenage wild expression.

I remember his acceptance of my wild self, even though we were entirely different in how we lived our lives.

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I remember not being able to go to sleep without climbing on top of him, cornering his neck with my face, and drifting off in the presence of deep love. I remember how uncomfortable this made him, but how he allowed it anyway.

It seemed like no time before there were kids cornering our necks with their faces, and we were dancing the role of parenthood. Where we were navigating the unconceivable love you hold for your family, the baggage of the past that dumps its shit when you become a parent, and the pressure of the roles you become as you move from one-to-two-to-family.

Marriage is a smaller expression of life itself. A journey with growing pains along the way that are meant to shave away the nonessential so you can find more of what really matters.

But if you make it, if you don’t give up, if you let yourself be humbled and led by the love that lives beneath than you will reach a love that is so profound. A love I cannot find words for.

It’s like adding fresh squirts and coats of beautiful, bright, and fresh paint to your love again.

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It’s recommitting to each other over and over again, as you become the next versions of yourself.

It’s the greatest act of vulnerability.

It is a love so unlike the unconditional love of being a mother. It is love that involves choice.

That is magic.

With a heart full of love,

falan sig

 

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A few (short-n-sweet) words on worth

photo 2 (2)I’ve been thinking much about worth lately. Recently reading Reveal moistened my already palatable taste buds into thinking even more about it.

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In Googling the definition of worth, one part is: the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated.

Deserves to be valued?

I’m so unsettled by this…

Deserves?

How can we feel anything but unsettled when we hear this, as there is nowhere for such bull to settle.

How do we deserve to be valued? Isn’t that absurd? The concept of deserving to be worthy.

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We were born enough and we remain enough.

Yes, life is messy and we are too.

We are blood and flesh, spirit and heart, pain and love.

We radiate our truth and forget it within minutes.

We shine and trip. We steady and grasp.

We find home and lose our way.

We are light and dark.

We exist in this intersection of beauty and pain that life is.

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Could we possibly look to nature and wonder if one blossom deserves to be valued more than another? Of course not.

What we forget is that we, ourselves, our nature. We are a unique expression of the beauty in this world and this existence, and we birth and die and shine and wilt through the seasons of our own life.

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“We acknowledge our inherent worth and the voice of Divine Love inside of us. It starts with a look of unfaltering love. It starts by allowing our love to reach where it never has before – to our humanity, to the broken places within. We stand up for who we are. And we give up trying to prove our worth. That’s a burden we were never meant to carry. We don’t become worthy of love at some point; love is a gift that comes with being. We recognize that it was always ours to claim.” – Meggan Watterson

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So much warmth,

falan sig

 

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The truth. It was never really anxiety.

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I am breaking.

Shattering in a way that I know I’ll be rebuilt into something much more beautiful, strong, and honest to where I am now.

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of the ocean and the waves keep pulling the sand from beneath my feet. I feel invigorated by the wind bringing the changes, yet; feel immobile by the mud holding me there.

I want nothing more than to pull my clothes from my damp skin and bare myself to the elements. To be polished with the salt water. To be set back on the soft sand as the sun sets.

It was never really anxiety. I’ve only ever experienced acute anxiety that calms itself as the situations settles. And of course it wasn’t dehydration. I only vomited twice.

I feel an unsteadiness in sharing this, but feel I must. For all the women who read my words, someone may feel comforted by my experience.

What began with a tummy bug seemed to extend out into lingering symptoms, and I tried desparately to identify what my body was going through.

All the basic tests were ran, but confusion was held all around. I was relieved to be deemed a healthy lady, but so scared and frustrated that I felt so far from healthy.

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I was experiencing so many crazy and uncharacteristic symptoms.

Headaches, tingling on my scalp, dizziness, fogginess, a night sweat (never a fever this whole time), extremely cold, heart racing wildly, hysterical sobbing episodes so overwhelming and cleansing (like nothing I had ever experienced. They felt dripping heavy with grief and ended with a tremendous relief), unbelievable exhaustion, digestive oddities, very strong intuitive messages, an urge to write more, 5 lbs weight loss (I’m already so very thin), extreme introversion, skin eruptions, waking lots during the night (two nights with nearly no sleep and waking rested anyhow), shaking, chest heaviness, dream states, very sensitive to sounds, smells and touch, craving nature (and would literally feel very ungrounded until I went outside), rising anger (craving primal screams of release), craving sacred and beauty, very distinct food preferences of either protein or fresh fruit, and an odd relief that my soul was fiercely uncovering herself.

These are the fragments of the bigger story I was living.

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I was scared.

I wanted to label myself so desperately. It was paralyzing to be experiencing so much, so many, so fully, and yet, have no diagnosis.

I kept intuiting that my heart racing was an opening of my heart. I have been praying for forgiveness and letting go. And it was obvious by the tremendous release I’d feel after the sobbing episodes that something profoundly cleansing was happening.

Chatting with my sister-in-law one evening, I was sharing with her some of the subtle but concrete intuitive experiences I had recently had. She said, “maybe it’s part of what you’re going through.”

I went home that night and the word Awakening came to me. I wrote it down and moved on with the night.

The next afternoon I was online handling finances and Google Spiritual Awakening came strongly to me.

I did.

I sat sobbing with immense relief that I was reading nearly all my symptoms together in one place.

But then I thought, “what the fuck do I do with this?” Oh dear, this is all rather “out there”. And I’m “out there” enough. And I pride myself on being down-to-earth.

After over a month of these symptoms my honey came home one Tuesday from work and said, “you seem like yourself today.” It felt good to feel like myself, but even better to have it witnessed. That night I decided to meet up with friends, as I had been skipping out on a ton of social stuff. I got into the car and literally had to roll down the windows my energy felt so big. Sitting in the parking lot, hesitant to go in, I was trying to contain my energy, as it felt rather intimidating to feel so vast. They commented on my glow (was I pregnant, they wondered?), and coming home that evening I was vibrating with excess and unfamiliar energy.

I felt scared to share any of this experience with anyone but my honey.

But with time I am understanding my truth and feel ready to share it.

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Here is the truth:

This is the longest I’ve gone without a pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/nurturing-a-little-one in my entire adulthood. I have been breastfeeding, pregnant, or both for 12 years, and though I am down to one nursing session a day, it’s as if my body is becoming mine again.

My body is becoming my own territory.

I am awakening. This is an awakening of myself. To myself. This is me shedding all that isn’t aligned with who I am becoming in this next expression and phase of myself.

This is me awakening to my spirit.

It feels quite beautiful to be in the midst of a transformation.

It feels quite overwhelming.

I am craving alone like I’ve never experienced, and like I would never give myself permission for.

I feel myself clinging tightly to the old and familiar. I feel myself sabotaging the fullness of this experience.

I feel myself wanting so badly for the fullness of this to be lived.

I feel myself rushed to close the door of this room.

I feel myself wanting to explore every detail of the room.

I feel myself finding my way and lost at the same time.

I feel a trust and an uncertainty in each hand.

With a trusting heart,

falan sig

 

 

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Simple Sacredness and 18 ways to sew it into your days

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As someone who lives simplicity on my schedule and who very very rarely would have anything on my schedule that I didn’t want and/or choose to do, I am still often blown away by all the things we handle as women.

Sometimes I want to burn my planner and every running list I have. I want to clear my life of everything but the people in it and start over.

These past few months have been insanely wild with emotions and spiritual purging. Trying to function in my normal life while my spirit was uprooting her truth has made life a bit more cumbersome this Winter.

One thing I have been doing to seam these two things together is to sew in a little sacred whenever I can, as mentioned in my last post.

This week I wanted to share a few ways you can do that yourself.

When life gets crazy we must create the calm. We must carve the moments of beauty when our minds feels too chaotic to focus on the ones that are right in front of us. Beauty is always there, but we can get so caught up we miss it. In these cases we have to be conscious to create little sacred moments to restore that truth.

Carry the moments that you remember. It really is the small moments of presence that reveal the most astounding beauty. Sitting one evening around the table, the five of us induling in the most decadent homemade hot chocolate. My littlest wears her side pony tail, chocolate mustached smile and sleepy eyes. She very quietly observes her big siblings spinning tops on the table while they laugh fully. The honey and I sit watching. These are the moments that fill me.

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Candlelight. At dinner, before journal writing or blog writing, during good conversation, or for a few moments at bedtime. It’s small, simple, and changes the moment. I also love lighting a match, watching the flame and blowing it out.

Open your windows.

Clean sheets. Sigh.

Snuggles. Warm bodies equal soothing.

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Prepare a meal fully and lovingly.

Indulge. In something. In anything. In everything.

Keep Sunday’s sacred. Every Sunday is a no-internet day for me. Fill one day a week with just your life; not all the lures and tugs and temptations of email and the life of everyone else.

Have a morning ritual.

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Something to warm your hands. One cup of herbal tea a day and five minutes with only your thoughts. 

Clear some clutter . Let go of something that no longer fits, flatters, or expresses who you are (tangible or not).

Tend one part of your home with heart. Choose one spot in your home to try to keep calm and sacred. The table next to your bed, a reading chair, your desk?

Slow motion. Turn off your rushing button and move slowly with your senses on.

Sage yourself or your surroundings.

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The first day of your cycle. Clear the calendar and to do’s and allow it to be a sacred day to look forward to each month.

Wear bare feet in the grass.

Journal to find your inner knowing.

Sleeping ritual. Wash up, put on your favorite sleeping attire, climb into those clean sheets (without your phone!), rub some sleeping balm on your temples, and … (dream, journal, read, make love, pray…).

Sending you a lightness to your spirit and your day.

Feel inspired to share? Please leave a comment below and let me know one way you weave a bit of sacred into your day. I would absolutely love to hear.

With love,

falan sig

 

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Learn to let life be messy

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Life is so very messy and I am learning to let it be.

For years my tendencies had a strong lean towards incredible control and planning. The tendencies began in my childhood when I was craving control to fill the gap where I had none.

Nearly the last 6 years have been a slow and sometimes painful dissolving of this.

Beyond the beaming beauty of life there are tears to be shed, finances to be fondled, messes to be mended, meals to be made, appointments, calls to return, emails, fights to be had, books to read, errands to run, illnesses to heal, cleaning, decluttering, laundry, and life’s endless to-do’s.

And of course there is love to be made, friends and family to catch up with, thoughts to be written, quiet time to fall into, adventures to be had, and deep deep connection to prioritize (both with our loved ones and ourselves). 

Life is heartachingly beautiful and tedious.

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As one task is finished there is always something waiting to follow.

“For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central-mother core, likes spokes from the hub of a wheel. The pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home, community; stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider’s web to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes…the bearing, rearing, feeding, and educating of children; the running of a house with its thousand details; human relationships with their myriad pulls…” – Anne Morrow Lindberg in Gift from the Sea.

As someone who feels like gratitude and presence for this moment extends into my mothering so profoundly I learn more with each passing day. As the sky is blanketed black and the house falls quiet, I watch the rise and fall of my children’s breath, and I see the bits of their day strewn about the house, I understand why we must demand that more and more of our day is carved beautiful. And why we must tend the tedious with a gentle and loving care as best we can.

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“…how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel…” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

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Here are a few ways I embrace the messy, emphasize the beautiful, and accept that life is messy.

Sew in the sacred  Find moments to sew in a bit of sacred to the tedious and the already beautiful moments of your life. Candlelight at dinner, a morning or bedtime ritual (for yourself and with your kids), a quiet cup of tea or meal, a shower in the dark, a walking prayer.

Know that there will always be something left undone  Aspiring to completion is not very inspiring. Living an inspired life means something is always waiting for you.

Tend to the needed and release the rest to divine timing  Do what must be done and let the rest stay present in a notebook where all ideas get kept til nourished. Get to them when you feel called to.

Use the interwebs intelligently The internet is amazing. Amazing. But, damn, is a good at robbing us of our lives. Don’t get so consumed in the “amazingness” of everyone else’s life that you forget to live your own. (A very important P.S. The internet makes everyone’s life look more incredible than it is – their lives get messy too!)

Control is messy and time wasting and soul sucking That’s it.

Off you go, with the intention to embrace the beauty and the mess that makes up this life.

With tremendous amounts of love and beauty,

falan sig

 

 

 

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Let’s go down to vagina town

I’ve been talking about sharing a post on the vagina for quite sometime. Upon my first mention of it, I was feeling inspired since my last post Unpack your Vagina. But life had a few curveballs for me and all I seemed to write about was my deep Winter.

Of course, I certainly want to be a woman of my word and so I sit here with vagina on my mind.

Too bad I don’t remember what I wanted to say about it when I kept promising a post. But that’s okay; let’s just see where this goes.

Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.

I say it sillyly but it’s quite sacred, indeed.

How often do you consider your vagina? Your vulva. Your yoni?

I’d bet most women only think about it when something is going in or out of it (or in and out of it rhythmically ; )) Or when something goes wrong and itching or irritation arrives. And very very sadly some women manicure their vaginas as much as their toes and worry themselves to surgery if their labia is too big? Gosh, I remember watching this documentary years ago and feeling a piece of my heart fall off.

(NOTE: Wait. Before I go any further, please let me clarify. I’ll be using the word vagina for a streamlined approach, but at times it may sound like I’m referring to the vulva. I am. Thanks for understanding.)

So, let’s touch on a few points.

Birth and the vagina. The vagina is the portal for conception and birth. It is the entry way for the creation of life and the exit way for welcoming life. As women the vagina is the place of giving and receiving. If I make no other point, this proves that the vagina is beautifully sacred.

Menstruation and the vagina. The vagina is the place of release for menstrual blood, which too is sacred. It is sincere life blood that nurtures our ability to create life and literally nourishes the creation of life. (If you have any discomfort around menstruation, please be sure to join She Cycles and I’ll straighten that right out for you.)

Sex and the vagina. I believe sex is sacred. Many of us hold stories that push up against that sacredness. But I believe that nothing should ever go in the vagina that doesn’t hold your sincere desire.

Panties and the vagina. Cotton panties only (and a few sexy-however-you want-them-to-look ones – but those come off quickly so it’s okay). Preferably never thongs. Sleep without panties as often as possible, as it’s very important that the vagina breathes. And opt for skirts and dresses – over tight jeans - way more often than not.

Fitness and the vagina. Use thy vagina muscles! How? Orgasm, of course. And I suppose those kegals too (boring in comparison though). And if you feel truly inspired there is always vaginal weightlifting (haven’t tried that one).

Maintenance and the vagina. No creams, douches, unnatural lubricants, etc. None. That stuff did end in the 90′s, right? Organic coconut oil is okay though.

Read this article

Well, that was me rallying that.

Let me know if you have any thoughts on the vagina in the comments below!

Warmest,

falan sig

 

P.S. No photo to accompany the post this week. Obviously I wasn’t sharing vaginal pictures on Instagram and nothing else seemed fitting. Sorry.

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Five ways to see yourself through the last few weeks of Winter

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With the sun on my face today, the temperature reaching the 60′s, and a delightful discovery of daffodils the other day my body is reminded that Spring is almost here.

This will be my last post about this place I am in. I shall not bore you to death with the continued ongoings of my Winter underground.

But before I close the topic for the season, I would just like to share a short closing post about seeing ourselves through the last few weeks of Winter.

I believe so deeply in the power and purpose of the seasons and our connection and relationship to them. This Winter was lived hard and has whittled its way to my bones and spirit, burrowed deep, took my footing, and offered a certainty of what it means to allow death while still alive.

I have not finished this darkness, but soon shall emerge with the dandelions and violets. The birds are singing wildly each morning, luring me toward the newness. The picture above captures the merging of the two seasons…the death of Winter and the birth of Spring, reminding me that it really is quite a magical merging to be in.

To close this season, I’d like to share a handful of ways to finish out these few weeks with you. Nothing extraordinary; just tidbits of ideas incase you’re emerging from a cave too. (And if you find yourself entering Autumn in your part of the world, I most certainly send you love too : ))

Social out your Spring mindfully Begin looking forward into Spring, consciously choosing what you’ll allow space for in your life, penciling in beauty in your planner.

Bake Slide on your Grandmother’s apron, heat up the kitchen by the warmth of the oven, and carefully combine ingredients into something tasty and beautiful.

Seek out signs of Spring Walk, hike, run, skip, or dance your way outside welcoming Spring and seeking out her arrival.

Elimination Clear the non-essentials. The clutter, the dreaded, the ugly, the bulky, the draining, the weighted, the unneeded.

Let the air in Open every window in your home and allow the soul of your home to release the stale and welcome the fresh.

With a bouquet of tulips for you,

falan sig

 

 

 

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A trip to the ER, the need for primal screams, and 27 ways to soothe anxiety

I’m nearly, but not so, surprised by how my life and blog posts are mirroring the seasons lately. Soon I’ll be back to spunky self, but for now the tender-hearted part of myself is beating strong.

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What seems like eons ago and yesterday all at the same time (and really about 2 weeks ago), the family passed around a tummy bug. I got it nearly last – as Mama’s do – after everyone else has been soothed back on the direction to health.

The tummy upset part of it came and went in a jiffy; yet, day after day I wasn’t feeling right. I was experiencing a host of symptoms that kept me from functioning smoothly, and none of them had anything to do with the tummy.

One morning I woke up totally off. I sat on the couch all morning, finishing a book, and come lunchtime things turned from yucky to worse. I soon found myself in bed, feeling quite overwhelmed, racing heartbeat, trembling, cold, clammy, and quite terrified. The honey came home and we made our way to the ER.

A seven hour ER stay resulted in a host of tests, a confused Dr, and a decided diagnosis of dehydration and intravascular depletion. I suppose this makes sense on some level, but on another makes none. If you knew how much water I drank you’d think a secret ocean lived inside of me.

Home to rest. Ah, rest. Quite definitely the hardest rest I’ve ever had. 3 days, and a continued consciousness as I heal, and almost none of it felt like rest. To say fear and anxiety had gripped my heart and raced my mind into overdrive would be entirely accurate.

On a loving note, my honey and kids care-took me with tremendous love that included hot cups of tea, foot rubs, back rubs, herbal heating pads, and a deep respect.

Tears, tears, tears, and his arms to hold me.

Fears I can’t share with anyone but him.

And deep lessons in the sacredness of this life and the death grip I still have on control.

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This winter has been the deepest I’ve gone through. So much of me is crawling towards the warmth of Spring, knowing sunshine and wildflowers and bare feet will shift me; yet, I am so deep within that I nearly don’t feel ready for it (though a few minutes in the sunshine changes my mind in one heartbeat).

Heading out to a mandatory homeschool meeting last week that forced me from this healing hole, I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror. It frightened me. The quality of my eyes were rather lifeless.

Each day I feel better; yet, still unsteady. Even writing about this feels premature, as the space and reflection hasn’t melted together into now and then.

However, I’ve gathered a host of things that have seen me through this bout of angst, and I’d like to share them with you.

Quite possibly you have a “soul flu” Soul flu was the diagnosis of my sweet dear sister-in-law and friend. She said Dr’s couldn’t diagnose it, so of course they would be confused : ) If I could write for hours and you could bare to stick around, I think you’d agree with this diagnosis. Most of us know our bodies and minds are interwoven in a respected and committed relationship, right? After my kids get sick they always seem to go through a growth spurt by body or brain. I’ll say this may be the case for me too. I’ve been spreading a lot of my energy on letting go lately and it seems my body was reflecting that release.

Chamomile tea and Nettle infusions The beautiful buttery chamomile and it’s powers to soothe, and the green and grounding nourishment of nettles. Alternate.

Bach Flower Remedy, Aspen (or Rescue Remedy) The gentle nourishment of Bach Flower Remedies

Music Music can stir the tears that need to come or stir the spirit of hope in you. About day three into this resting phase I walked into the kitchen to find my honey and my daughter making pancakes, with the common sound of music. For a few days the house had been silent of tune, as I rested. Immediately, it reminded me of the typical humming joy in our home and how far I was from my normal rhythm and center. Tears. A day later it was music that brought me a wave to my hips to reveal that I was moving toward that rhythm and center again.

Lavender essential oil, Rose water, etc. The smells of nature at your fingertips.

Forgive As we pulled out of the ER parking area, my mind still struck with fogginess and my body depleted, I softly began mouthing, “I forgive you” to someone. I spent a lot of time with forgiveness in those resting days.

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Stillness vs. Movement Stillness was damn hard for me while resting; not because I don’t know how to be still or steady, but because it fed my anxiety. It gave me nothing to be busy with. It gave me space to fondle my fears. For two days I could hardly move I was so depleted, but with time movement began to soften the angst. Find your truth and give yourself what you need, whether that is stillness or movement.

Primal Scream Being a married mother has left me wondering why we don’t have designated spaces, as women, for primal screams. A space where you can reveal the wild in you that howls from your depth and calls out all your heartache to be received and held by Mama Earth. I put this one on here because I think it is needed, not because I have found that place yet. Although a pillow scream can offer a subtle and doable option. (This might be one of the reasons I love to give birth so very much – the wildness I seek in a primal scream floods you).

Tears Following the tummy bug and prior to the ER trip, one thing I noticed was my need to cry every time the symptoms came on. It was like an available weeping that was asking to be released. Communicating with that dear family friend mentioned above, I was sharing my need to cry and receiving the encouragement from her. The next morning I asked my honey to take the kids out for a bit so I could be freely broken. I spent time journaling, allowing the tears to softly appear but still feeling too much anxiety to feel a full release. However, knowing that tears release, heal and cleanse I waited for them.

Journaling A place to go when things need to be expressed from the deepest part of yourself. Write, release, shed, share.

Orgasm My Mom used to say it was the best medicine. Thanks Mom. Orgasm has a tremendous ability to dissolve every feeling not in alignment with goodness, so I certainly couldn’t leave it out of this list. Plus it gave my heart a reason to beat fast.

Aconite and other homeopathic remedies Nearly ten years of a loving relationship with homeopathy has shown me to not underestimate the support of these little white pellets.

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Sunshine, Wind, Nature walks Going outside changes everything. End of story.

Bath or foot bath Submerging yourself (or your feet) in water gives you space to be held and warmed and relaxed. Add milk, herbs, essential oils, Epsom salts, and/or warm honey. And never forget the candlelight.

Back rubs and foot rubs My loves didn’t let me go without. The sheer offer was enough to help me relax. If you don’t have someone to grace you with their loving touch, do consider a massage.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) I cannot lie that I kept overlooking this healing modality all these years. After moving to Asheville – a vortex of healing – I have to admit my mind got a little shut down to all the shenanagins. But in my very heart aching, body aching, mind aching, dark spot I tried this. Instant relief in the form of sobbing, fetal position, cold bathroom floor relief. This happened twice, both times leaving me insanely better off. It unleased the constipation of my tears.

Food intuition I was moving back and forth between huge hunger for protein and fats, and gentle needing of fruit. Trust the bodies wisdom.

Make each moment sacred Life’s curveballs certainly offer a chance to slow down. To create a presence. To slow motion the moments and bring a sense of sacred to what is normally overlooked. Find a way to make something beautiful before you. Add candlelight, make your tea with extra love, fluff your pillows, put a heating pad on your feet.

No internet mindlessness Do not numb or distract yourself from anxiety with the internet. Don’t do it. Bad idea.

Share with only those you fully trust and limit advice Share your struggles only with those that can hold the space for you, limit advice, and offer hope that you will make it through.

Downton Abbey I don’t own a T.V. and the only show I watch is Call the Midwife. I was encouraged to jump on the Downton Abbey train; however, I didn’t want another show to watch. But I commenced in my days of rest and made it through the first season in three days. I love. I love.

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Yoga Over the years my relationship with yoga has changed, but I certainly can’t deny the ability of breath and simple movements to release what the body holds.

Talk Talk with someone you love and trust. Sometimes sharing can change how you see and feel what you are holding.

Nap It’s rather amazing how a short (or long) nap can transform what’s inside of you. Naps heal.

Tickle, snuggle, hug, and hold The touch of another warm body can take us from brain frenzy of thoughts to the groundingness of being inside yourself and sharing love.

1 thing at a time. Presence. This moment, as we all know, is what we have. It may be shutting down your heart and closing you off from the feel goods, but it’s now. Roll with the whoppings and take one day at a time.

Happy Video for smiles. I had little access to humor in this healing place I was in. And being someone who thrives off laughter, this was hard. This video made me smile

Thank you for being here. Please, if you have any suggestions of your own – to soothe anxiety and see yourself through – please share them in the comments below. I’ll sincerely appreciate it, and so may someone else reading them : )

With the warmest hug,

falan sig

 

 

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3 thoughts on Love

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A full moon Valentines. That somehow feels quite special. I’ll deal that Valentines has been created by consumerism. A reason to celebrate love on a higher frequency seems wasted not to. And besides, I love any reason to celebrate.

And so in celebration of Valentines (however that looks for you), I wanted to share just a few thoughts on love with you…

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Stop withholding it. Love, that is. It’s quite profound how many of us withhold to protect. Most of us deeply fear pain, and loss of control, and as a result are not fully giving love. Which means we are never fully receiving it.

We must do loving things to feel loving things.

That means towards yourself too.

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Love where you are. How many of us want to be in a place other than the very one we are in, nearly all the time? Not just for the massive life changes, but mostly in the thoughts that tell us where we’ll be -and what we’ll be doing- when we finish this moment.

This moment is your life.

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Love is easy, relationships are hard. Love is easy, marriage is hard. Love is easy, mothering is hard.

Love is easy when we let it be. It’s the relationship that is hard. It’s the navigation of more than one heart sharing love and all the clutter of being human. Sometimes just let it all be easy.

Give love and receive love. Simple, really.

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All three of these are maneuvered by my own heart always, and though the wise in me knows the truth, the cluttered humanness of me - well, um she sometimes thinks I have better things to do with my time than love.

It takes a tremendous softness to always be open to love. For yourself, for others, for life. But it is so worth it, and so necessary. And so, this post is a reminder to myself as much as it’s for you - if you need it.

Happy full moon. Happy love day.

This evening you’ll find me loving up my family with a a fun night (to surprise the kids) that includes a fort, candles, love infused goodies, homemade valentines, and a family movie.

I think later, after the kids go to bed, the honey and I might watch About Time again. And then, well, you know…erhm…

Big bunches of love from my heart to yours,

falan sig

 

P.S. I don’t know an adult life without love and marriage, and I’m pretty much a sucker for movies of heart. Here are a few of my favorites incase your looking for one for your evening: About Time, The Story of Us, The Notebook (not a Nicolas Sparks fan, but that movie I love), and Love Actually. I also love Blue Valentine and Take this Waltz, which show a darker side of relationships.

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28 days of She Cycles in February

febpromobadge

Happy, Happy, Happy February. I like February. I think it has to do with the fact that my first born was born in February, and that it’s the month of love. It’s also the month I moved to this city I call home.

And so, in celebration of this lovely month I’ve got some love for you.

Today, and today only, I say in a non-spammy, non-infomercial kind of way, you can sign up for my She Cycles ecourse and get two groovy bonus’s. Or maybe more if you welcome the timing as a bonus.

Why today? Well, my dear…

*February is 28 days long and She Cycles is 28 days long too!

*The new moon fell just two days ago, which is always the best time for new things and new beginnings.

*The lunar new year began yesterday.

*Now marks the midway point between Winter and Spring (Imbolc).

*February is the month of love and hearts. Your womb is your second heart, full of just as much love, intuition, and wisdom as your beating heart.

I’m so proud of this course and the feedback I am receiving. It is touching a truth in women.

One of the most astounding magics of this course was shared by two women whose cycles returned during the course, after a year of amenorrhea.

But really this course isn’t meant to fix anything. That’s just a beautiful effect of putting your attention in alignment with your truth.

This course is actually a very whole hearted approach to connecting with your body, yourself, and the wholeness and truth of yourself.

It sincerely will change how you feel in your body and how you rhythm your life.

On top of all the whole hearted goodness of this course, there are so many practicals and gems of wisdom that you’ll get. It includes the sharings of 5 guest teachers, and information on lunar cycles, herbs, menstrual products, birth control, food, yoga, emotions, nature, rituals, and so much more.

And…

I’ve got two bonus’s when you sign up TODAY, February 1st.

First, I’ll be sending each lady a delightful little goodie package of surprises that will compliment the course beautifully.

Second, I’ll be gathering your questions along the way and then will answer them as a whole to share with all of you. How’s that look? You reply to any emails along the way and ask your smallest, biggest, most personal, universal, and/or simplest questions. I’ll compile and answer them all, anomously – of course, and will share the questions and answers with all of you about a week after the course ends.

And one more thing, I just finished my affiliate program for the course. So, after you take it and love it (cause you will), you can sign up to be an affiliate and if you share it with two friends who sign up, you make all your money back!

So, if you’ve been sitting on “maybe” or “one day” or “eventually,” or even “someday,” today is the day.

Go here to read all the goods on the course and sign up TODAY. You’ll receive Day number 1 of the course today, and be on your way to the most loving February yet.

And don’t forget to email me your snail mail address so I can prep and mail some goods your way (no worries, I’ll email you for it if your forget).

With love. Always with love,

falan sig

 

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